From time immemorial or at least since humans understood the concept of time we have designated a day which began a year. Present in nearly every culture and every civilization , for our modern calendar we do owe Julius Caesar a thanks for giving us 1st January, a sort of CTRL-ALT-DEL for humans, it allows us to reset our priorities, plan a fresh start and take stock of our selves.
In my younger years I did make it a point to draw up a set of goals, sadly over reaching goals which were usually beyond my scope or talent. I had grandiose dreams and looked at ambitious immediate accomplishments in the coming months if not days. I did not plan on learning to swim; I planned diving off the Great Barrier Reef. I did not plan doing a 5 mile hike; I planned climbing Mt. Everest. I did not plan merely keeping in touch with my friends; I thought of grand reunions. I did not go to the gym everyday but planned on having a six pack by early spring. The object was not to merely start writing ; it was to get published and obviously win the Booker price. Learning to sail was for suckers; I was going to sail solo around the world.
Yes, the biggest part of the problem was setting unrealistic aspirations. Now even in my most deluded state I did know that some of these ambitious goals were not immediately attainable. But I had this “clever idea” that I'll work harder and accomplish more than if I set low standards. What it caused was the exact opposite, I was all for setting goals - and then beating myself up for failing to achieve them. Unrequited resolutions led to guilt which in turn hammered my ego into oblivion and ultimately caused paralysis. After all if I could not trek across the Gobi desert what was the point of doing 15 minutes on the treadmill? In setting the bar higher than I know I could jump, I didn't jump. Or, if even if I tried I failed.
So, I've thought to myself, if I know going in that I won't succeed, why bother? Some years back, coming to terms with myself I turned a full 180 and stopped making resolutions. Recently I saw a statistic that says 55% of us usually never set New Year's resolutions. I guess this painfully made me a part of the masses. Like many of us I developed a certain disdain for resolutions. I sniggered about the crowded gyms come January, I listened amusedly to the incoming calls from friends who promised to keep in touch but would call only next year, I saw the vain attempts at dieting and eating healthy, I made snide remarks at everyone’s futile attempt at turning into a new leaf.
But somehow a wondrous thing happened, without the weight of my own massive expectations, I started doing things I liked. I started enjoying myself, became a little more social and communicated a lot more, played a lot more with my kids, went camping and hiking again, bought a plane; started flying with the early passion again, began eating healthy. The absolutely quintessential example of this is starting this blog; I don't care if I write well or if I ever would became a published author. I write knowing I will only get better and mainly because it’s pleasing and cathartic for me.
My goals aren't a yearly thing now; they are more of seeing things as they come, coming to terms with the unseen and making new "doable" resolutions every day. While back then I was taking crap from previous years and putting it right back in front of me instead of leaving things wide open for new possibilities. Now I don't worry about the guilt of not reaching anywhere and although it’s a cliché but truly I now enjoy the journey. If the process is exciting, the destination really does not matter.
After all isn’t life a one-lap race, a one-time-only offer, then doesn't it make sense to celebrate what you HAVE achieved, rather than mourn what you haven't? The only goal worth worrying about is what is in your control, for instance a better job is dependent on economy, hiring trends and requirements - but we can improve our skill set to become more market worthy and at the same time get the immense immediate satisfaction of gaining more knowledge. Getting a beach body is dependent on your genetics and the years of havoc and destruction you have wrought on your body, but eating healthy and working out a little is going to make you feel so much better NOW.
I feel this is the time of year to be gentle on yourself. Your only resolution should be to feel alive and then its Goal accomplished.
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