One of my favorite word is empathy. Empathy is defined as the capability to share and understand another’s emotions and feelings. I see empathic reasoning as recognizing that others are human and getting to know their point of view. Sadly we all seem to be lacking in something that's of such uttermost importance.
As I see it there are two main blocks to empathetic behaviors:
The first is that our long tradition of adherence to science and quest for proof has led us to thinking that empathy is emotional and irrelevant to reasoning and the application of logic. While in actuality empathy gives us additional information and viewpoint, making sound judgment more likely.
The second and more insidious issue is where we think we listen but then avoid putting ourselves in anyone shoes because it’s usually inconvenient and sometimes downright uncomfortable. Its much easier to blithely ignore what anyone else is feeling then feel guilty and troubled by someone's pain or rationale. Put everyone in their box (you know Immigrants are felons, tightfisted Jews, Muslims are violent, African Americans are lazy, Dumb Blonde etc) and then refuse to look at the individuals.
You could be calling someone an arrogant snob for ignoring your repeated invitations to say join your Facebook network, but it could very well be the lack of computer skills which is holding them back. You could rant at someone else for not offering you a ride while she may be embarrassed at how unkempt her car is. I know someone who broke off a promising relationship because she was not happy with her own flabby skin and did not want to risk the guy being repulsed. So even though she liked the guy, she told him that she was looking for someone with a better job/career. The guy probably thought she was stuck-up gold digging what not.
We have to realize that people do not admit to their fears and inadequacies outright and will make any number of excuses. All of us have a lot going on in our lives. Our action or inaction may have absolutely nothing to do with you. Never be quick to judge and avoid thinking the world revolves around you.
Except for the truly depraved and warped souls, no one gets up in the morning thinking I'm going to hurt some one today. Practice your empathy and you may gain a much better understanding of those around you.
Lest someone thinks I'm promoting empathy as an altruistic and saintly thing, Hold On! You could be the most selfish and self serving person, a cutthroat competitor and empathy can still be your most powerful weapon; at work, in business and relationships. Whether its for selling, customer retention, handling complaints, conflict resolution, or a happier family life. Empathy helps in achieving and sustaining successful personal and business relationships. When we cultivate care and empathy, not only does our emotional health improve, but also our capacity to cope with the enormous challenges of life.
So how does it work? its very easy as long as you understand an important element of empathy, it requires active listening, not just hearing.
To hear someone means that you understand the words and the sentences. To listen means to understand and communicate. To actively listen means to actually appreciate someone else perspective. To acknowledge that their thoughts and contributions are as essential – if not more – than your own.
It’s very challenging to balance between contributing and having an ego while also be accepting and egoless, yet empathy springs from that very ability. To listen, one must engage. To engage, one has to have an ego. To truly listen is to acknowledge that another ego is present and as soon as you accept that you have empathy.
You guys Listening?
