A friend is, as it were, a second self. ~ Cicero.
What makes a friend a friend?
Is it the turmoil’s and travails you may have weathered through, is it the spark or chemistry between you, or is it the opposites attracting, is it a shared passion or interest. is it sycophancy, is it a common humor, is it a non threatening environment, is it mutual admiration. is it dependence. Is it just a cynical utilitarian symbiotic relationship?
Why do two people in a party make a beeline for each other, while two other with almost the same shared interests, social standing and age avoid each other? Why do old friends stop talking and stand in discomfited silence as they artificially smile at each other i.e. if and when they meet. Is it that having travelled different paths they find nothing in common. Does one of them feels that he/she has moved on to a different level and has more “class”, or does the other feel they are inferior in terms of wealth or status and not "worthy". Why do two disparate individuals meet for the first time and are immediately going into paroxysm of laughter as they plan a get-together the next weekend?
Like most things in life I guess it’s an amalgam, you need a basic level of chemistry and comfort level, sometime followed by a nurturing period which hopefully leads to a growth of maturity and closer bonding .
To digress a little, I dislike the irritating cliché "a friend in need...", I contend it’s easy to commiserate and help out when a friend is in need. Unfortunately for most, it seems, it’s harder to see a more successful accomplished friend who either does not act humble enough or when you vainly think “you” deserved better out of life.
I've never liked the "best" friend term either, especially its exclusivity. I feel friends are constantly moving from your inner circle to a outer circle and vice versa. it’s not a diploma that you get for life, it requires constant nurturing, constant adaptation and fluidity, it requires time spent together to keep away the awkwardness and distance that quickly grows. I have been in close proximity with someone who I could rib about their habits, spouse or work and the response would be a good natured grin. A few years passes before meeting again and you tend to be exceeding polite when you say anything if at all about their peculiarities, job or family.
In any case we would agree with Aristotle who thought friendship is a kind of virtue, most necessary for living. Nobody would choose to live without friends even if she had all the other good things. It’s the very elixir of life. There is that rare joy amongst friends where we can uninhibitedly share unrestrained school boy giggles amongst middle aged men or that horse like snort and pig like squeals amongs sophisticated ladies.
Your siblings and parents you are born with, your children are your creations, your spouse is an extension of you. No doubt all of them could be great friends too but whether you get along or not you are stuck with them. Friends on the other hand comes with no string attached. You could have an intimate conversation with them and walk away never to meet and not feel guilty or suffer any consequences. you could meet the closest friends after years and with a nod go right back to exchanging insults with no hard feelings or remorse what so ever.
True friendship is tough, I think a lot tougher than even finding love. Romantic relationships are often extremely well thought out and intentional. it may look like you are irresistibility falling in love, but there is a constant thinking and a kind of personal checklist you are going through, you and your significant other are both adapting and changing according to the needs to mold yourself into a long term partnership. There are usually no second chances there - at least not without the pain and frustration of break ups and a very good divorce lawyer :-)
Friendship, on the other hand, is usually a lot more open, you come in with your baggage and need not change a bit to gain a friend. That is why I've found that I can't really choose my friends. I can definitely decide who is not my friend, but I can't seem to capriciously pick people out to be friends with. No matter how cool, how witty, how interesting to me they may be. And likewise, no one can choose they want to be my friend. The best friends I've had are the people who just happened to become my friends. A smile here, a wisecrack there, a knowing look and the friendship starts, and then if cultivated it just grows. I think friendship works when it's completely casual and incidental. In that regard, it's nothing like any other relationship in the world.
To recognize a friend , therefore, it is necessarily to recognize oneself, and to know a friend is in a manner to know oneself. A person is related to his friend in the same way as he is related to himself, since your friend is just another you.
