It was not love at first sight. It was not even love in the accepted sense. She could never have spent her life with me. She was from a world far removed from mine. Even though I always had and would have a certain tenderness for her. My heart did ache at the pain she went through. I rejoiced when she found happiness and I felt proud at the way she handled everything fate threw at her.
When I first saw her, she was a very young, I myself was no older. I was staying at my grandmother’s old farm house getting ready to start school after the summer. Oh what a glorious summer it was. Summers like that make life worth living. Everything was new and exiting to me. I walked all over the hills and explored the forests. I found an old path that became my own private trail. I kept it to myself and refused to share with anyone. It was my private world and all mine.
I was painfully shy and did not desire human interaction. I actually ran away whenever I saw someone approaching to avoid talking to them.
That day I just had breakfast. I was standing near the window to the backyard which led to a wide expanse of forest when I saw her. I was stuck by her walk. It was almost like a skipping dancing run, I was fascinated by the absolute joy she was having just walking. Everyone I had met seemed to busy doing something - a job to run, a place to go to, a workout to complete - but she was just walking back and forth and enjoying herself. I stared and stared and I guess she sensed it, She suddenly stopped and looked as I quickly hid behind the curtains, as I stood there she kept on searching me out with her eyes, I was a little irritated, after all she was in our backyard, she should be the one who was hiding, but as I later found out that’s the way she was - brave, extrovert, totally unafraid of anything or anyone.My grandmother came into the room and in her usual sing song tone went “don’t play with the curtains, what are you doing there?” I silently pointed to the intruder in our backyard. She glanced outside and laughed “Yes, our new neighbors, they moved in sometime last week, the little one is cute, maybe you could be friends with her, but I don’t want you bothering them till they are comfortable and settled in”. I nodded silently. I had no intention of meeting this brazen creature anyway.
A few days later I saw the whole family. The father had hair all over his face and a huge pot belly but seemed friendly in an impatient way; the mother was a small busy creature. The whole family had such a loving air around them.
The whole family helped out with dinner and household chores, they were constantly chattering and hugging each other. I thought “One of those modern liberated family”.
I would sometime hide behind the trees and watch them while the father wrestled with her and the shrieks of delight echoed all over. I watched her in the morning walking in our backyard like she owned the place. Somehow I always felt she knew I was watching.
Some time went by and one day I woke up early and went out, as soon as I saw her I started in a different direction, she in an amused fashion fell behind and followed, we never actually talked but I slowly started taking her to my secret path and showed her all over my usual haunts. The old tree stump which was my castle. The small cave where I hid my treasures; the marbles, the old brass button, the box of matches, and pictures of planes. The edge of the cliff, where I could spread my arms and pretend to fly. The little brook where I would sail my paper ships. This became our normal morning routine, she would follow me silently with her skipping walk as I showed her everything. I was happy; I had made my first friend. I had someone to share the old path with.
So the glorious summer rolled on, near the end of it my parents came back, my dad asked what I had been up to the past few months. My grandma laughed and said “well, he has a girlfriend, in his own backyard, the little rouge!” embarrassed I ran away to my room furious at her.
The next morning I got up feeling dreadful, with a sense of some impending doom. Frightened I walked out and heard my parents and grandma whispering “He is going to be devastated, he loved the whole family, lets have the remains moved out before he wakes up “
My dad whispered back “These are the facts of life, there are wicked beastly creatures out there, he needs to understand and learn”. While they argued I slowly tiptoed out and saw the dreadful truth. It was the father, his body mangled and torn, just lying there near the edge of the trees.
So the fact of living was death!
I did not see her for a few days, they mostly kept to their house, I saw her bringing food to her mother while she just lay in a corner. She did not come for our morning walks and once in a while I would catch a glimpse of her while she took care of her mother. It was obvious the mother could not get over the shock of her husband’s death, and was slipping away.
Soon it was my day to leave and as my dad loaded the jeep, I slipped out to see her for one last time. As I approached their house, the house that had seemed so full of joy and cheer, I saw her just standing outside, the visible tiredness and sadness in her face broke my heart, but even then I could not talk to her. I just walked away.
A few months later I was back for Christmas. I crossed the backyard at a run to go to their place, but the house was empty and looked like it had been that way for some time. I came back and the expression on my face made my granny cry “oh poor baby, I should have told you, the mother died a few days after you left, and your friend left after a little while”.
I went away again and years passed before I came back, it was a beautiful summer again, my granny fussed over me “you are so pale and thin, I will get good food into you, but you have to start walking the hills again to get your color back” I refused to go out though. I did not want to see my old trail, I dreaded going any place where I had walked with her, I missed my companion and oh her beautiful skipping walk. I just curled with my books and lived in other peoples’ worlds.
One particularly sunny day, I was debating whether I should stay in bed all day, when my grand mom knocked at my door and said “your girlfriend is back!”, I rushed out as my granny smiled kindly at me and whispered “Looks like she found someone, be happy for her”.
I crept out to the backyard and saw my grandma was right, there she was, a little grown up but still with the direct stare only she could have, behind her I saw two little smaller replicas of her, She proudly nudged them forward, So she had kids, I walked back and peeked at their old house and saw a strapping male there, so she had a husband. She did look happy and well.
Tears streamed down my grin as I walked up to her and chuckled “So you want to go for a walk?” it felt like she gave a little nod, and once again like those long lost summer days, I started down my old old path and she fell behind, this time with her little ones skipping excitedly behind with their bushy tails high in the air.
I knew then that there would always be someone to walk that path, for generations to come. Either mines’ or hers’, my first companion, my first love, - the brave, beautiful squirrel.
